I spend time a lot with clients about reframing painful experiences. As we discuss this it’s important to understand that this goes hand in hand with limiting beliefs. As this is happening, you believe something about yourself that is negative, it’s often come from an experience in the past in the way someone declared, perhaps, “you are too sensitive,” or “you aren’t really that smart,” or maybe, “you’ve never been able to get your act together.”
And those kinds of beliefs can roll around in your brain for weeks, months, even years. They hold you back from believing that you can live an entire and vibrant life. And we need to get rid of it!
Start with one story.
1. Start with one thing that has happened in your past, or even one experience or thought that makes you feel lesser than and worried to the point that it hangs with you every single day, and you’ve come to believe it. Could you write it down?
Re-say your story.
2. Start the reframing process by re-saying that life story clearly and honestly. And start asking yourself if the story you’ve carried around with you is the real story. Were the negatives really negative? Or do you remember them that way? Were the things that happened in your memory the same as you remember? What were other elements that could have been positive in your story? What do you believe today about that story?
Change your story to an empowering one.
3. Find all the ways you can change an unempowering story into an empowering one. For example, June remembers in childhood that her father was never home at night. That behavior made her feel that her father didn’t love her. Yet, in reality, she learned that he worked many jobs because he wanted her to have the best opportunities at school.
Get a new point of view.
4. Reframe your point of view. For example, if you think you didn’t have many friends in high school and you wanted to be really popular, reframe that story by remembering the good times you had with friends who wanted to be with you. And how those experiences were rich and vital to your development as an adult. You find out you weren’t shunned, but instead, you were loved and developed personally by this experience.
The main idea
The essential idea behind reframing is that a person’s point of view depends on the frame it is viewed in. When the frame is shifted, the meaning changes, and thinking and behavior often change along with it. Therefore, reframing is a way of changing the way you look at something and, thus, changing your experience of it.
Getting a new perspective also requires reminding yourself that thoughts aren’t facts. Changing language in your head to positive language can turn your limiting beliefs into glorious new beginnings and freedom from poor self-worth. When the frame is shifted, the meaning changes and then follows thinking and behavior.
It’s a beautiful tool, and it can change your life.